...Who never stops growing

I've recently become aware of the fact that I'm 19...not a big deal right? I've graduated to the highest level of teen-dom and it's only now hitting me. But probably in a different way than all of you have expected...I'm surprised that I'm so YOUNG! it's WEIRD!! I came to BYU a whole 2 years ago, barely 17, and now here I am 19, and spending time with people who are years older than myself and feeling like this is exactly where I belong. Whenever I meet new people they're shocked that I'm 19...most of them guess I'm around 21-22 ish. I feel that old, but I'm not. It's kinda weird, yet comforting at the same time.

The last couple of months have really been eye opening (along with every other month I've had since being here). Since the beginning of November, I've just been preparing myself to focus on school and not worry about the whole 'dating' thing and social life. It's been a wonderful experience of getting to know myself and what I really want out of life. But, Heavenly Father doesn't always point your feet in the direction you think you're going to go. (no, there is not some amazing announcement coming). I thought I had decided on a major...it turned out to be the wrong one. I'm going into Political Science now...it's interesting how I came to that decision. Mom was naming out all these different majors, and each one led to another and finally, I was choosing between PolySci and International Relations...I made a decision and I've decided to just do it! I felt excited and eager and peaceful all at the same time (who knew!) I recall a professor once saying that Satan loves the gray area...Now I understand why God tells us to 'study it out in your mind', make a decision, and then ask for confirmation. That way God can tell us Yes or No and we'll understand that! (Epiphany!)

My social life feels like it's turned upside down as well this last month. I've been preparing myself to try life without a lot of social distractions, but low and behold, Heavenly Father pulls another fast one on me!

My roommates and I have recently acquired several new additions to our nightly 'crew'. Normally we have just one of our FHE brother's come over (Marcus..the 7Th roommate), but after a trip to my roommate (Kate)'s boyfriend's condo in Park City, things have changed. Monday nights, we have FHE, followed by everyone staying over and playing games. Tuesday's is band night...we have two guitars, a mandolin, and a violin, occasionally a trumpet, and of course singing, going on for literally hours! (tuesday's is not the night to try and get things done). Wednesday's I go dancing, so I'm normally out of the apartment, but I'm still with friends ( i go so often, I know all the regulars). Thursdays, we do dinner with a bunch of people (which also happens other nights as well), and people tend to stay over, with more music going on, and Friday's & Saturdays are filled with dates, dancing, cleaning, tests, studying and whatever else is going on. Then Sunday rolls along and you'd think it was a day of rest, but NO! My calling keeps me busy with Ward Council meetings at 8:25 in the morning, Church, more meetings, Break-the-fast, Ward prayer, Post-ward prayer, and visiting friends in between! Who knew life could be so busy! And on top of all of this, I've recently gotten a job (woohoo!). Luckily it's flexible enough to work with my school schedule. I haven't started yet, but when I do, then I'll let you know what it is (it's probably the coolest job ever!).

Other than that, I'm trying to fit things into life. I'm trying to get back into swimming at least twice a week (since running won't ever happen).

And then there's dating...it's the exciting/dreaded topic of my life. It wasn't until the Family get-together at Mom & Dad's that made me realize how much pressure there is in our family to get married! My goodness! I have to admit, I'm all for the idea and the actual doing it, but the pressure is so intense, it's beginning to get scary! I'm excited though for all the cousins who are lucky enough to have that next adventure coming soon. It hit me hard though, when Grandma said, after asking me what happened with a guy that Jenna is now dating, 'Guess your way isn't working!' I felt very dejected by that comment because I never explained the whole situation and why things didn't work out between me and the guy...but I felt very hurt that I was a 'failure' because things didn't work and I'm not in a relationship that is on the road to eternal marriage. And I know Grandma didn't intend to cause a little hurt, but it stung. I guess, right now I'm looking for someone who actually wants to be in a relationship instead of half-committed parties, which is what all the guys that I'm being set up on dates with want. In the meantime, I'm going on dates and getting to know new people. Recently, I had two friends, independent of each other, set me up with the same guy...blind date. Things went well, and we spent a lot of time together (came to the condo with us) and we had a lot of fun. All my friends loved him, but we decided a week ago that it just wasn't going to work. He didn't have the time, neither of us felt really committed, and the things we really wanted in a relationship weren't there. So now we're the better friends and we're both happy. So I'm still running around having fun with my roomies (who are wonderful!) and my 'boys' (who bring joy to my life). All I do is say "bummer" and move onto the next thing in life. In the whole 'prep' part of the last couple months, I've decided to just go with life and make things happen. If they go great I say 'woohoo' and if not, then 'bummer' and we move on.

In the meantime..I'm just gonna have fun! (I got a [blind] date tonight!)

...until next time
Love!